Living NVC

Intimate Relationships

2007-12-06T13:02:00.000Z

On Love

An honorable human relationship - that is one in which two people have the right to use the word "love" is a process,

Delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.

It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation.

It is important to do this because in doing so we do justice to our own complexity.

It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us.

Adrienne Rich

In many different ways my intimate relationship is in my thoughts right now. I am wanting to share a poem I found which has been helpful to me today. I love being clear that my relationship is a process- just as I am. Never fixed and striving to be more and more present with self and with each other.
I know I am trying to find ways to stay present in my relationship as much as I can. I would love to know how others do it. Any thoughts?

How to Live Peace with Passion

2007-11-20T14:55:00.000Z

Smiling is very important. If we are not able to smile, then the world will not have peace. It is not by going out for a demonstration against nuclear missiles that we can bring about peace. It is with our capacity of smiling, breathing, and being peace that we can make peace.
Thich Nhat Hanh

Today I am pondering how to live this life I talked of yesterday. I know I have found a way to live peace- which is Living NVC.
But what does Living NVC mean? What do I do? I want to answer these questions so I can continue to build my much longed for community.

For me NVC means the difference between reading the above, understanding it intellectually, agreeing with it then moving on with life- to actually having the tools that have enabled my smile because I have reached a peace within myself. Through a combination of self empathy and empathy from others over a period of time- I have developed a trust that I can always tap into my skills or ask for support, no matter what life brings me.
So my skills of empathy for myself enable me to move from pain or stuckness to tap into something deep within me which is no longer grasping and is full of a sense of peace and oneness.
This for me is the difference between transcendence and transformation. I am not smiling through or thinking positive. In fact these ideas make me feel slightly sick! I have transformed some of my beliefs and released old pain and have the tools to continue my journey with this- AND I'm having so much fun along the way!
I achieved this by taking myself to spend time with NVC practitioners around the world, finding teachers and mentors to learn from. I learnt and was healed. In my view no NVC journey is complete without both aspects of growth.
My most recent healing and learning experience was with the NVC Training Institute - the effects of which are still moving inside me. Robert Gonzales talked at the end of the retreat about his take on transcendence and transformation and I would recommend hearing what he has to say about this on NVC Academy.

Marianne Williamson

2007-11-19T14:17:00.000Z

I was sent to look at Marianne's youtube videos by another NVC trainer. He had found that Marianne had been talking about Marshall Rosenberg.
Marianne notes that 'we are so lucky to be living at the same time on the same planet as Marshall Rosenberg who is one of the most eloquent and sweet articulators of these principles'- noting that there is only one truth and many different ways to get there. I hearing her say this as it is something I believe too.

The video I have chosen to share with you addresses another aspect of living consciously which I enjoy- in that it takes commitment, energy and drive to do so.
And if we are to truely impact on the world it is up to all of us to live our commitment- not fit it in after work or when we have a spare weekend to go on retreat. But to fiercely take on this way of living as a deep and spiritual commitment which drives us every day to bring love and connection into our lives in the same intensity as people who take and burn with hate in their lives and chose to blow themselves and others up- because if this commitment.
As I write I wonder what is stopping us?- and one of my guesses is that we are embarrassed to do so- we might look odd or people might think we are weird to be full of love in the world. If this is what is holding you back please take some time to work with this. I cannot bear the idea that humanity will not survive because people were too embarrassed to live the love they have inside of them.

Call to Freedom

2007-11-08T10:46:00.000Z

Living Energy of Needs

2007-10-09T10:36:00.000+01:00

I have been home from this training in Dorset for two nights now- I notice I am tired and full- needing plenty of rest / space and choosing to sleep in order to integrate what I have learnt. I said to someone yesterday that I feel like I have been away for six months not a week!
The training that the team from the NVC Training Institute have developed is such a rich and deep experience I would recommend anyone to go who wants to take their NVC practice further and anyone who wants to have fun doing so!

Nonviolent Protests in Burma

2007-09-25T10:39:00.000+01:00

"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible but in the end, they always fall - think of it, always."
-- Mahatma Gandhi

I am always moved by Aung San Suu Kyi and her nonviolent life. Described by the UN envoy Razali Ismail as 'one of the most impressive people he has ever met.' My longing for her to achieve her aims within her lifetime is immense.
May the people of Burma find the courage to continue and may the junta find the courage to change.

Difference between Pain and Suffering

2007-09-24T13:43:00.000+01:00

Over the weekend I was sharing NVC with a group of women in North Wales- I enjoyed the learning and inspiration I got from being in the group- inspiration coming from how these women are choosing to live their lives. Conscious of the food they eat, the choices they make when they use money and the way they have spent the last year meeting and learning NVC together!

At one point we got to exploring the idea of empathy supporting one to move beyond pain. Someone said- 'I thought if I was listened too I would feel happy- I don't I feel sad now'

This got me pondering.....
For me being present to someone- allows them to find the feelings that they are experiencing already- initially some people are not aware of what is naturally going on throughout our lives. We have learnt, and are encouraged. to avoid pain and there are plenty of things to DO to avoid pain. For example eating, having sex, watching tv, shopping, thinking or planning. Rather than being with whatever is.

I suggested to the woman who was feeling sad that she was in touch with mourning for a need unmet. Yes she said. For me I notice a difference when I have named my pain and found the need behind it- at this stage the pain shifts into what Marshall Rosenberg calls a sweet pain. For me mourning a need unmet.. a new concept for me and many of us in our culture.

This sweet pain has a different quality from suffering- which comes when

I get trapped in my pain - in my feelings with no sense of hope of moving out of this feeling
When I identify with my pain eg by giving my self a label- I am depressed
When I believe my thoughts- I'll never get out of this. There's something wrong with me
I believe the analysis of others- You are depressed. You are ill

Using the skills I have learnt in NVC I have found ways to hear all these messages and shift out of suffering. And as a bonus I have a community to support me when I need it.

Bottom line...Is my life happier?- absolutely- is my life pain free- absolutely not nor would I want it to be. Pain is part of life. Suffering in that pain is not necessary though and there are ways out of the suffering. Being present, connecting with the pain and being with it as I do with NVC being one.
I would enjoy to hear what you do to transform suffering

More about me

2007-09-21T12:57:00.000+01:00

I was working as an Educational Psychologist in Greater Manchester when I started exploring Positive Psychology and Nonviolent Communication I am now a Certified Trainer in NVC and part of the UK network of trainers and others sharing NVC. I offer sessions for people to learn NVC - in workshops or one to one sessions. I am particularly interested in supporting people with depression using NVC and also working in schools. At the moment I am taking some time for myself and enjoying meditation and planning the next part of my life.

What else would you like to know about me or NVC?

Bob Thurman: Becoming Buddha

2007-09-19T18:39:00.000+01:00

>>>

To learn more about NVC- info and video

2007-09-19T17:25:00.000+01:00

Here is a link to the site for the US based publisher (Puddle Dancer Press) of NVC materials and you can watch a video of Marshall Rosenberg talking about NVC- the precess he has developed.

Enjoying Autumn Coming

2007-09-19T09:32:00.000+01:00

I am enjoying watching autumn arrive- I have a new bicycle and I find myself looking for leaves that are turning and watching the sky change colour.
I am continuing to explore what container my NVC will be put into. I know I want to share how NVC can support building a relationship within the healing process of listening- ie in therapy. But I also want to encourage all of us to listen to each other rather than it be something that people pay for- or have certificates on their walls before they can do it. Ironically I want to support myself in the world at the moment and working one to one in the kind of client/ therapist situation is what I might do. Am still pondering this- am a bit stuck....
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Now playing: Stevie Wonder - Love's In Need Of Love Today
via FoxyTunes

Mary Oliver Poem

2007-09-16T18:16:00.000+01:00

When Death Comes

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps his purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle pox;

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering;
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth
tending as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

Facebook

2007-09-16T12:36:00.000+01:00

By the way- you can check out more about me via Facebook

Starting a Blog

2007-09-16T12:16:00.000+01:00

I decided this morning to blog how I am living NVC- I have spent the last week struggling with living in the moment my thinking and planning jackals have got in the way- as have my wanting to fix other people jackals! In the pain that these jackals stimulate I have taken care of myself- very pleased about this and am celebrating that I have the space to do this- I have rested and eaten chocolate when I want to - doing so with awareness that it is numbing pain.
I have taken refuge in dharma talks I found on the Internet- hope you enjoy them too- some days this week it is all I have wanted to do- lie on the floor and listen to my ipod and hear Tara Brach's voice
Today I feel more easy with myself- have done one of Tara's guided meditations